The choices we make define us; they can either set us apart from the crowd or let us blend in with those around us. We make choices every day, sometimes big ones and sometimes small ones. I made the choice to go to South Africa for an entire year instead of going to university like all of my friends. Going to South Africa was probably the best decision I have ever made, but with that said, it is not a decision I was always happy with. My first few months in South Africa I faced some of the hardest challenges of my life. I honestly thought about going home and giving up, but in my heart I knew that was not an option, not for me. My heart kept telling me to stay and absorb everything that South Africa is, but another part of me was so washed out that going home looked like the only option. Then there was a moment, a moment where I knew I was exactly where I needed to be and that I had made the right choice.
I believe that everyone has these so-called “moments,” a single thought or action that tells them everything they need to know about exactly what they are going through. My moment was when I heard something so familiar in such an unfamiliar place. It was the sound of an acoustic guitar playing one of my favorite songs from church, “Shout to the Lord." When I first heard it, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, but then I found the music. A young man named Ntokozo who was one of the local volunteers at Ethembeni where I was working; he was sitting strumming an old guitar that looked as though it had seen some heartache. He kept playing as I sat down and I joined in with singing, “… my comfort, my shelter, tower of refuge and strength …” The words I so desperately needed to hear and to feel, and at that moment I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be. We continued to play until the room we were in was needed for a meeting. After that, I made myself a cup of tea and went outside still humming the tune. I found my way to the old wooden jungle gym where I had sat so many times before, with its fading colors of red, blue, and green paint. As I sat on that old jungle gym, I finally began to see where I was, and it was extraordinary. For such a long time, I was only looking at where I was and not really seeing it. In a way, the music opened my eyes to the beauty and richness that South Africa had in store for me that year.
After that moment, there was not a day that went by without me being so grateful for all that I had. I have been very blessed in my life to have so many opportunities at my fingertips and here I was in South Africa only thinking about myself, when there were so many others who needed my help. My days after that moment began to fill up with new stories from people I would be spending the year with. These stories taught me so much about the world and what other people go through. It is not all happiness and sunshine all over the world, and people in South Africa have seen some real hardships in their lives. Listening to their stories would almost bring me to tears. Seeing the children in the streets finding so much joy in an old milk carton or shiny piece of paper, and how they would show those things off to all around them, knowing that was the best they had, made my heart ache. Being able to be a part of that for even a day was more meaningful than a lot of things I have done in my life.
The choices we make define us. I also believe they shape the people we surround ourselves with. Looking back at my year in South Africa, I can see that the actual choice to go to South Africa was easy. The hard part was letting myself be part of what South Africa had to offer, and to make the choice to try and make a difference in any way possible. I have built lasting relationships with people in South Africa and I know I am always welcome and have a home there. I hope to have a chance to sit on that old faded jungle gym again and look at the world through opened eyes and make the choice to take the leap. The leap that makes you different and able to make a difference in this beautiful world we live in.
From left: Lydia Stoll, Desmond Tutu, Brianna Derstine, and Emily Epp at St. George’s Cathedral in Cape Town, South Africa in April 2014. The three women served in South Africa with Radical Journey.
